Fighting with Praise

I was not much for the New Years resolution making this year, at least not stated as typically seen on someone's facebook status. I wracked my brains for something important to dedicate myself to, something to claim as my goal this fresh 2014. But nothing came to me, nothing more than the things I am already dedicated to in my life. New Years Eve crept up on me in such an alarming way (as holidays tend to do at times), resulting in my thought, "Wait. Aren't I supposed to be coming up with some sort of goal? How do I feel about 2013?"
The question raised cynical thoughts, which made me feel heavy at heart. I am supposed to be a good little Christian girl and post an awesome facebook status about how great God was in 2013, right? No, I wasn't having that. Because the truth was that I felt a strong bitterness for 2013 and I wasn't about to fake an easy "feeling blessed" facebook status about it. It was filled with heart ache, fear, brokenness, and confusion. I wanted it gone, but felt no excitement or faith in the idea that as soon as a big ball drops in Time Square suddenly everything is brand new. All around the world on that night people would be doing God knows what and expect to be some fresh person the next morning all because of a new calendar. What was the point?
I decided I had to put up some kind of a fight. I got out my journal dubbed by myself the "prayer journal" and decided to list a few great things I knew God did in my life in 2013, despite the overall bitter aftertaste it was leaving me with. I wrote:

2013

1. I faced a lot of realizations about myself- my testimony that were hard, dark and depressing. But, You walked with me through that darkness and led me to the other side. You made beauty out of.. icky stuff. You helped me realize what You are doing in me. I am blessed.
2. I got to be at the ocean. For the first time! To taste a part of Your creation for the first time.
3. You put me in a ministry for young girls.
4. I am engaged! You're leading me into marriage, which I find to be a HUGE mystery.

Counting blessings seems overwhelming, either because we see so many of them or see none at all. But I have found that one praise always leads to another, and even though my hard feelings for this past year still linger as I type this, they subside if even for a moment when I remember all of the living I got to do by God's grace. Each experience listed could not have been as sweet and as meaningful if I was not a child of God! It is God who makes a new day and a new year.

As for a resolution, well I do fondly remember a girl who used to force herself awake each morning to see the sunrise, who found a quiet place outdoors (when it was warmer, at least), and who sang to God like it was His birthday and didn't mind sitting in the dirt just to be humbled and really tell Him how she felt. And did she praise Him? Yes- especially when she didn't feel like it. Lately, she hasn't felt like much of a warrior and can't give an explanation why. She only knows she hasn't praised from the bottom of her heart in a long time. I think it's time she returned to fight a little harder. Because praise is a weapon, and I have found living out each day is hard if not started out in gratitude and recognition of who God is regardless of who I am.