The Cross

We sometimes absentmindedly sing "Oh, the wonderful cross." 

And it's true, the cross is . . . wonderful. It means our debt we owe to God of our sin has been paid and that condemnation does not have to be ours. But, I think we have become desensitized to what the a cross truly symbolizes. We make it out of diamonds, we paint it on walls, it's become a design to wear on purses. I am guilty myself; today I have pink crosses painted on my ring fingers for Easter. I am not claiming that anyone is sinning by painting crosses on their nails, wearing them around their necks, or having them printed on their purses. I'm reminding that Jesus' cross was made of splintery wood, blood, and sorrow. And I'm admitting that today I am having a hard time calling it wonderful.

I read in a book recently that Jesus commanding you to take up your cross and follow Him is equivalent today as taking up an electric chair and carrying it. It is your instrument of death. If I were to somehow have pink crosses on my fingernails in Jesus' time, how shameful it would be! How utterly despised. Once, I sat in the car at a gas station and across from me was a cross by the road adorned in flowers with the name of the deceased person written on it. I thought about how it was written on Jesus' cross, "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews"- written as an accusation, not a beloved memorial. I recall sitting in church as a young girl and seeing crosses on pews, on podiums, and now I see them everywhere but none of them are bloody.

I am not suggesting that we should paint bloody crosses on our fingernails instead, or tote around purses with the grizzly scene printed on them. I am not trying to persuade the readers of my blog to really do anything, even. I am stating that the cross will be viewed differently in my eyes. It is a wonderful symbol of faith, and I know I painted them on my nails this morning out of a burst of love and joy for my Lord. Yet, I pray that for the rest of my life I will still remember what Jesus' cross looked like, what it meant in that time, and (in any way I can somehow try to understand) what it meant for Him.

I no longer want to glamorize it. If I wear it at all, I want it to be because I understand the gravity of what it means in my life to truly take up my death and follow Jesus.

Look! New Life! (And a Poem to Match.)

In Bloom

That refreshing moment

breaking the thick surface for the air above

all things anew

all things in bloom

beckoning, awakening sleep-filled eyes

cleansing away the dry

that winter left behind.

Now is moisture to the skin.

Now is the flower's spine upright.

Alive, alive!

All things spring alive.

What is a Missionary: My Journey of Realization

 I am a small town girl who, for a long time, had never really been very far from home. The most I have broadened my boarders so far is when I went to gulf shores this past summer. Even then, it was the ride there that excited me, getting to see as much of the state of Alabama that I possibly could out a car window from the interstate (at least until I saw the ocean for the first time.) When I was 17, the biggest thing I did was spend spring break with my best friend at her grandparents' house an hour and a half from home. This would not have even happened if she had not written my parents a detailed letter as to what we would be doing and how I would be safe.  So, you can imagine how overwhelmed I felt as a freshman in college called to do mission work in Nairobi, Kenya.

I was 19 years old. It was an ocean away from home. My family was scared, worried, and frustrated with me. My grandmother's main concern was whether or not I would be sleeping in a mud hut and eating grasshoppers for my meals (she, too, is a small town girl). I began doing anything I could possibly think of to raise enough money to get to Kenya that summer of 2013. Zach, my friends, and I baked desserts for hours in the kitchen of my dorm at college.

Our profits from the bake sale were great, and even after that it seemed money was coming in left and right. Unfortunately, after a while, the money slowed down. Most of the money raised ended up going to pay for my passport and would need to be used for the plane ticket, and then I had nothing left for the trip expense itself. Soon, the deadline came and I was empty handed. This sounds discouraging, and perhaps a little embarrassing, and at first it was!  But, now that is not the case for me. I had confidence that God would give me the right time to go because I knew for certain (and still do) that He called me to Africa. I thought God was saving my trip for this coming summer, but now that is not the case and He had marriage in the plans instead. Whenever I do go to Kenya, I am certain that it will be alongside my husband which is an even better idea than what I had in mind (God has a way of doing that!) But, the confidence I speak of was not easily obtained. God had to teach me a lesson.

Because of the heart God gave me for the work to be done in Kenya, I will have to admit that I could not see any kind of mission work that was as important here in the United States of America. When I thought of Jesus' words, "Go into all the world," I could only see far way places. God so sweetly began the process to correct my misunderstanding in the summer of 2013, the summer I thought I was going to be in Kenya.

I sat in the pew at church countless Sundays thinking, I don't understand, Lord. I feel like I am supposed to be in Kenya right now. I felt incomplete and confused. Then, my church began talking about a trip to Nashville called Mission 615. Everyone on the team including my best girl friend from church wanted me to join them in a one day outreach to the homeless of Nashville. I agreed to go, my heart pumped and ready for whatever God was about to do. The experience changed my life.

At first, I was hesitant to call it a mission trip because I did not understand how traveling 2 hours from home could be just as important as crossing an ocean. But when I took a bus to the projects to invite inner city kids to a Saturday church service, when I saw their eagerness to sit and hear about God and their hunger for something that would give their lives hope as they prayed at makeshift altars in a gym, it shook my understanding.

When it was time for the evening service for the homeless, I was put to work in the nursery. The children of the homeless competed for my attention the whole hour, and some in some pretty silly ways. But it was the toddler who more than likely hadn't had a meal that day who wanted to share his Cheetos with me who altered my perspective.

 The truth that I have realized for myself, is that while I am certain I am called to go on that trip to Kenya one day, my permanent calling is to be a United States missionary. One country is not more important than another in God's eyes, and quite honestly I am a missionary in my dorm room, and as soon as I walk out the door, wherever I walk. All of God's children are under the same calling, but in different ways. A trip to Nashville for one day is as much of a mission trip as a week or two in Kenya. One week from today a team from my college and I will be heading to Atlanta, Georgia to work alongside an organization called Street Grace to fight against human trafficking in some way. I no longer measure the urgency or validity of a mission trip on how long it takes or its location. I could spend my time anxious and waiting to go to Africa as if my life depended on it, or I could open my eyes to the opportunities God is placing all around me each day and grab them with both hands. 

I choose the second option.

Deep

There is a deep inside of me

Ever rushing 'round in me

So that all I see or think I see

Leaves a longing for that deep in me.

Forgetting Those Things Which are Behind: Yes, Even the Good

Philippians 3: 13 reads: "Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching toward those things which are ahead. ."

Upon reading this passage, you may think (as I have always thought), "Yes! I am to forget my past because Jesus has washed me clean of it and forgiven me- I am not who I used to be. It is time to move ahead to what He has made me to be." This is very true, but it is not all that is true of this passage. As a matter of fact, we are also called to leave behind even those good things from our past as well.

That's Crazy!!!

Yes, it seems so! This is exactly what I thought the first time I was told that two years ago at youth camp by the speaker who was striving to impart wisdom into my 18 year old soul. God has done so many amazing things in me, I thought, how can I forget? It doesn't seem right. So, the idea was pushed away into the back of my mind until recently, and rightly so because I do believe I would not have been able to understand until recent circumstances. But, here is the whole truth:

The God who has done so much in you thus far is the same God now. The Jesus you knew and discovered then is the same now, yet that is not all He is! You must not remain in the past, but allow Him to bring you into your future. 

Paul continues: "I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal this to you. Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind." ~verses 14-16

"To the degree that we have already attained. . " I do not think we are called to utterly cease to remember all God has done for us, but I believe we are not made to dwell there. I will not be 18 forever, I am not even 18 now. God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than what He has before, and I believe He will. I know not the half of it! Neither do you for your own life.

Praise God for what He has done, but reach for what He will do.

Attack of the Clones

Last night, my roommate and I were talking and I admitted to her how much I look up to her. I told her how I admired that she is real, and that when she walks in the room she fills it with that deeply pure and true spirit that is in her. I told her I wanted to be like that, adding, "but in my own way. We definitely don't need two of you."
This began a quite hilarious conversation about what each of our friends would be like with a clone of themselves. We laughed hysterically how some of them would argue with their clone, how they would handle relationships with a double, and we even agreed that my clone would become hyperactive while I am trying to go to sleep which would result in a nasty fit of rage (I do value my sleep.) We agreed that the clone would be exactly identical to the original person in thought, character, and personality, but that it could be in a different mood than the original. We eventually concluded that if each person had an exact double then the world would not be able to function and explode in some way. One of anyone is perfectly enough. "Thank God we are all individuals," I laughed.
But, after I said it, I realized I truly meant it! Looking up to someone you admire is wonderful, but never should you want to be like that person in a way that will make who you are cease to exist. Jesus came to give us life more abundantly, and I hold fast that this means through Him who you really are is awakened. I personally testify that I didn't know who I was until I found Jesus. Jesus made me emotional for a reason, just as he made some around me less emotional for a reason. We learn about Him from each other and see the world from different perspectives for His glory- created to fill a purpose that only we as individuals can.
Recognize who God made you, let what He didn't make you fall away, and be perfectly you. There is no one else who can do what He has designed you to do.

From His Heart to Mine

At the college I attend, the Bible classes teach us to look at the Bible as a piece of literature, to read it objectively and critically. This is helpful, and I have learned a lot about the Bible and those who took part in penning it. However, if I ever only view it as such, I will surely become like one who is dead. The Bible is much more than a  piece of literature. It is a message from God's heart to mine. It has changed my life drastically. Again I stress, the word of God is so much more.